So tired.

Friday, December 2, 2011 | post a comment {0}

The land itself was a desolation, lifeless, without movement, so lone and cold that the spirit of it was not even that of sadness. There was a hint in it of laughter, but of a laughter more terrible than any sadness- a laughter that was mirthless as the smile of the Sphinx, a laughter cold as the frost and partaking of the grimness of infallibility. It was the masterful and incommunicable wisdom of eternity laughing at the futility of life and the effort of life.
"White Fang" by Jack London

I think I'm ok, but I'm not sure. I didn't go to school today because I would've been a wreck. Instead I laid in my bed until 12 just sorting through everything in my head.

I'm still really sad, probably not rightfully so. But I'm not bawling like a baby and ranting like a maniac anymore. I just have this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have accepted that you actually did this and there's no turning back, but I'm still in shock at how quickly it all happened. I feel like I've been wronged and abandoned but deep down I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. I just thought it was going to be... well, later.

I just don't understand. Why? What have I done wrong? It's like I can never get anything right.

Vicki.