avoid me

Tuesday, March 5, 2013 | post a comment {0}

Please, for your sake, everyone, don't talk to me this week. 我那個來了而且 I'm legitimately and otherwise down in the dumps lol. I feel so sad and hopeless right now. It feels like too much. Thinking about how in 7 hours from now I'll be waking up to go to school. Learning things I don't care about to pretend like I have ambitions and talking to people I dislike to fake socialness I don't feel.

I'm trying to find a reason to carry out the petty existence that I know I'm blessed to have. I don't have a reason to feel this way but I do and I desperately need inspiration. A reason or a reminder as to why I need to carry out this life properly. I know I owe it to my mom but even that is lackluster as I start to feel as though I'm falling short of her expectations. I'm falling short of everyone's expectations actually. Mine especially. And if I'm meeting anyone's expectations, they must be extremely low, in which case I'm equally insulted.

In any case, I hope my overnight stay at Rose-Hulman gets me back on track. Fuck my self pity party.